Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey.
Once a month Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, makes a prediction on where he thinks the stock market is headed. He is not perfect — no mechanical monkey is — but his predictions are quite accurate. In fact, you will discover his predictions are considerably more accurate then the majority of Wall Street experts that appear regularly on television, and infinitely more accurate the any broker you are currently working with.
Interpreting His Signals.
Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, will clang his cymbals. Count carefully. The number of clangs will reveal his prediction for the next month:
| One or two clangs: | Next month is unfavorable. | |
| Three clangs: | Phink has never clanged three times. | |
| Four or more clangs: | Next month is favorable. |
The weird snarling noise he occaisionally makes is meaningful, but not for stock market predicting.
Past Performance.
Although Phink, the Stock Broker Monkey's lawyer constantly reminds us that his advice should not be used for actual investing, his past predictions have been nothing short of amazing, especially for a mechanical monkey running on two D batteries:
| Month | Prediction | Adj S&P 500 | Comment | |
| October 2010 | Unfavorable. | T B D | - - - | |
| September 2010 | Unfavorable. | 8.8% | Bad Monkey! | |
| August 2010 | Unfavorable. | -4.7% | Good Monkey! | |
| July 2010 | Unfavorable | 6.9% | Bad Monkey! | |
| June 2010 | Unfavorable. | -5.4% | Good Monkey! | |
| May 2010 | Unfavorable. | -8.2% | Good Monkey! | |
| April 2010 | Favorable. | 1.5% | Good Monkey! | |
| March 2010 | Favorable. | 5.9% | Good Monkey! | |
| February 2010 | Favorable. | 2.9% | Good Monkey! | |
| January 2010 | Favorable. | -3.7% | Bad Monkey! | |
| December 2009 | Favorable. | 1.8% | Good Monkey! | |
| November 2009 | Favorable. | 5.7% | Good Monkey! | |
| October 2009 | Favorable. | -2.0% | Bad Monkey! | |
| September 2009 | Favorable. | 3.6% | Good Monkey! | |
| August 2009 | Favorable. | 3.4% | Good Monkey! | |
| July 2009 | Favorable. | 7.4% | Good Monkey! | |
| June 2009 | Favorable. | 0.0% | Okay Monkey! | |
| May 2009 | Favorable. | 5.3% | Good Monkey! | |
| April 2009 | Favorable. | 9.4% | Good Monkey! | |
| March 2009 | Favorable. | 8.5% | Good Monkey! | |
| February 2009 | Unfavorable. | -11.0% | Thank You Monkey! | |
| January 2009 | Unfavorable. | -8.6% | Good Monkey! | |
| December 2008 | Unfavorable. | 0.8% | Bad Monkey! | |
| November 2008 | Unfavorable. | -7.5% | Good Monkey! | |
| October 2008 | Unfavorable. | -16.9% | Thank You Monkey! | |
| September 2008 | Unfavorable. | -9.1% | Good Monkey! | |
| August 2008 | Unfavorable. | 1.2% | Bad Monkey! | |
| July 2008 | Unfavorable. | -1.0% | Good Monkey! | |
| June 2008 | Unfavorable. | -8.6% | Good Monkey! | |
| May 2008 | Unfavorable. | 1.1% | Bad Monkey! | |
| April 2008 | Unfavorable. | 4.8% | Bad Monkey! | |
| March 2008 | Unfavorable. | -0.6% | Good Monkey! | |
| February 2008 | Unfavorable. | -3.5% | Good Monkey! | |
| January 2008 | Unfavorable. | -6.1% | Good Monkey! | |
| December 2007 | Unfavorable. | -0.9% | Good Monkey! | |
| November 2007 | Unfavorable. | -4.4% | Good Monkey! | |
| October 2007 | Favorable. | 1.5% | Good Monkey! | |
| September 2007 | Favorable. | 3.6% | Good Monkey! | |
| August 2007 | Favorable. | 1.3% | Good Monkey! | |
| July 2007 | Favorable. | -3.2% | Bad Monkey! | |
| June 2007 | Favorable. | -1.8% | Bad Monkey! | |
| May 2007 | Favorable. | 3.3% | Good Monkey! | |
| April 2007 | Favorable. | 4.3% | Good Monkey! | |
| March 2007 | Favorable. | 1.0% | Good Monkey! | |
| February 2007 | Favorable. | -2.2% | Bad Monkey! | |
| January 2007 | Favorable. | 1.4% | Good Monkey! |
Frequently Asked Questions.
Here is a list of frequently asked questions, followed by my best attempt at interpreting the responses of Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey:
1. Is Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, for real?
He finds your lack of faith troubling. He is as real as a heart attack on Christmas morning.
2. How does it work?
Although Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, pretends to predict the future direction of the market, in fact he actually controls the future direction of all stock markets, worldwide.
3. When is the new prediction posted?
Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, makes his predictions during the last few days of the month for the next month.
4. I have made millions of dollars following Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, how can I give him some?
Unlike most fortune sellers, Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, has more money then he knows what to do with. You can give him your love and your respect, but mostly he should inspire your awe.
4. What books is he sitting on?
The titles and authors of the books he is sitting on, from top to bottom, are "The Nature of Risk", by Justin Mamis, "Mr. Market Miscalculates", by James Grant, "Crisis Economics" by Nouriel Roubini and Stephen Mihm, and "Reminiscences of a Stock Operator", by Edwin Lefèvre.
5. Where does Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey, live?
He bangs his cymbals in Los Angeles, California.
6. How can I contact Phink, The Stock Broker Monkey?
You may send him email, but his range of responses is obviously limited:
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